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Our first Merseyside derby is on the horizon and, with five consecutive Premier League wins behind us, the mood in the camp has never been better. But we can’t get complacent now and so I call a staff meeting on Monday morning.

“Gentlemen,” I say proudly, “I am delighted with the start we have made.”

My assistant manager Erwin Koeman yawns and checks his watch.

“You’ve all played your part too.” I gesture at Joe Royle, my affable Head of Youth Development. “Joe, you told me to believe in myself, to take over the U23s and to give the kids a pathway to the first team. Now I can keep the fringe players fresh, I can give the Checkatrade Trophy the respect it deserves, and I’ve had the chance to assess the likes of Kieran Dowell and Liam Walsh, both really promising boys.”

Joe beams with pride.

“Duncan,” I say, looking up at my fearsome Scottish finishing coach. “I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, but the work you’ve done with Oumar Niasse has obviously been incredible. The boy can’t stop scoring and I honestly never thought he’d even start.”

Duncan nods approvingly. I can’t help but notice that his bottom is twitching back and forth, but he seems happy enough and so I move on.

“And Erwin,” I say, turning to my number two. “You’ve been able to translate my thoughts onto the training pitch, you’ve got these boys doing exactly what I… well, mostly what I want them to do. Thank you.”

Erwin stares at me for a moment and then shrugs.

“You’ve been lucky,” he mumbles.

Duncan bristles, he starts to growl.

“Easy Duncan,” I say. He settles. “Good boy. Now what was that, Erwin? Speak up so that we can all hear it.”

“You’ve been lucky,” he snaps back. “You could easily have lost to West Ham, to Southampton and to Stoke. I don’t know how we did so well against Spurs, but when you look at the league table it is obvious that everyone is doing well against Spurs this year. Second place after nine games is nothing and when Liverpool visit on Sunday, I am sure that normal service will be resumed.”

“What do you mean?”

“You. Will. Lose,” he sneers. “You’re a nobody. A nothing. A charlatan. You are out of your depth.

I don’t know what to say. I know that he’s right. It’s like he can see straight through me. He can see that I don’t know what I’m doing, that I’m lost, that I’m just falling back on something that somehow worked in the past, hoping that it will work again. And he knows that if it doesn’t, I’ll have nowhere else to go. Except maybe Rangers, they’ll take anyone.

Joe clears his throat.

“Remember what I once told you, young man” he says quietly. “If someone isn’t doing what you want them to do…”

Erwin laughs nastily.

“If someone isn’t doing what you want them to do, you can sack them? I’m on a four year contract at £20,000 a week, old man! You can’t sack me. It will cost you…” he pauses, sticks his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and starts mouthing numbers. “….and carry the six….it will cost you £2.8m to sack me. You’re not going to do that.”

I look at Duncan. His ears prick up and he cocks his head to one side.

I look at Joe. He smiles and nods. It’s money well spent. I didn’t want to buy anyone in January anyway.

The advert goes up for a new assistant manager and I return to our Merseyside derby preparation. The whole club just feels lighter somehow. Joe whistles while he works, he never did that before. Duncan spends his lunch break chasing pigeons in the park. This is something he’s always done, but it makes him happy and so it passes without comment. And we have some good news from the medical department.

I go home that evening feeling more centred and comfortable than I have in months. I’m surrounded by good people, Everton people. Two legendary Everton strikers. My kind of people.

When I come in the following morning, there’s a note on my desk from the medical department.

And so, if we’re looking for bright sides, we can at least avoid the tricky question of who leads the line. Niasse will keep his place for a few weeks yet. There are just two changes to the team. This is a massive game for us and I want more experience in the ranks. Rick Karsdorp was a little off against Stoke, so Seamus Coleman will make his first start of the season. James McCarthy is fit again and young Tom Davies, who has been excellent, will make way in the middle.

The game is everything you would expect. Goodison Park is in ferocious mood and every tackle is met with a roar of approval from the crowd. Liverpool attempt to play their way through the assault and the first half hour is a messy affair with few opportunities of note.

But then, as he has done so many times this season, Ross Barkley finds Gerard Deulofeu with a searching ball down the right. Deulofeu beats his man and whips in a low cross…and Oumar Niasse is there to finish.

We take that lead into half time and I urge them not to get complacent. But there’s never any sense that they will. Without our sneering former assistant manager, the dressing room just seems so focused and together. Ten minutes after the break, Coleman drives a low cross into the near post and Deulofeu is there to finish. Liverpool start to lose their heads, we keep opening them up at the back and when Deulofeu races onto another Barkley long pass, Alberto Moreno just gives up and scythes him to the ground. Even Jurgen Klopp can’t argue the second yellow card that follows. With ten men, they find it impossible to track our movement. We haven’t deserved some of our results this season, but there’s no denying us this one. Deulofeu adds another late on, beating Loris Karius at his near post and I’m able to make stamina-saving substitutions in order to see the game out comfortably.

Before the game, in response to my praise of his team and his managerial acumen, Jurgen Klopp suggested that Everton were “running scared.” Unsurprisingly, I was asked if I felt these comments had backfired at all and I calmly responded that the game was won on the pitch, not in the media. Jurgen Klopp did not take that very well.

The result puts us at the top of the Premier League after ten games which, to put it mildly, was not how I expected this to play out. So how are we doing it?

Well, everything starts with a good goalkeeper. I wasn’t sure about Maarten Stekelenburg when I arrived, he’s 34 and I didn’t know if he could still do it. He’s conceded three in ten games. He can still do it. Joel Robles’ involvement will remain limited to the Checkatrade Trophy.

Domagoj “Demigod” Vida has entered himself into the pantheon of my all-time best signings, which isn’t bad for a man I had never heard of just a few weeks ago. Ramiro Funes Mori’s performances have put him on Juventus’ radar, Leighton Baines has been exceptional, as you might expect and Rick Karsdorp, has settled in instantly, as you might not expect. The only worry here is that we have very little in reserve. Mason Holgate’s numbers are inflated by Checkatrade action, Phil Jagielka is spent. We need back-up.

The midfield has been astonishing. Deulofeu is playing at Ballon d’Or level, Barkley is making nearly two key chance passes every game and Idrissa Gueye is indomitable in the middle. In this department, we have more depth than we need. We’ll need to shed some weight at some point, I’m looking at you, Yannick Bolasie.

And what can you say that hasn’t already been said about Oumar Niasse? Six goals in seven Premier League starts. Two assists. Seven key passes. The funny thing is that he isn’t even particularly good at football. He struggles to hold the ball up in the way we need him to and he takes a lot of shots for his goals. But at this rate of return, the perma-crocked Romelu Lukaku will struggle to win back his place. These are not words I ever expected to say.

The only question now is: Can Everton maintain their form into the tricky winter period?

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